why couldn’t you be gentle with me?

i gave you all i had and you had an affair with anger.

what does wrath have that i do not?

your disposition is disloyal to tenderness.

all i wanted was softness that doesn’t melt away in the heat of it all.

Anime and manga have become increasingly popular globally in the past few decades. Comics and animated movies and T.V. Shows based in Japan; anime has become a cultural phenomenon. The 90’s and early 2000’s saw a boom for anime in the United States. The introduction of anime in the United States began with Astro Boy by Tezuka Osamu in 1963. Fandom around Japanese anime started forming as early as the 70s, but they really started to take off in 1998 with the very well known, and well-loved series, Pokémon. Then, Miyazaki Hayao’s “Studio Ghibli” movies, such as Spirited Away (2001) fed the fire (Daliot-Bul, Otmazgin p. 2). Pokémon became such a success because it catered to a specific target audience, adolescent boys, and the trading card game aspect allowed for another aspect outside of the show and manga to help the franchise rise to popularity (Daliot-Bul, Otmazgin p. 3). Pokémon is considered a “shonen” anime.

“Shonen” is a category of manga that targets and audience of adolescent boys. There are many genres that fall into the category. Shonen is not a “genre” but a target audience categorization. The most popular shonen manga and anime tend to be action series. Action series that include superheroes or super sleuths or magic of some kind. Most of the time, these series include violence to some degree. This isn’t much different from comics meant for young boys in the West. Marvel comics primarily appeal to an audience of teenaged boys, or at least that was the intention originally. Of course, this goes for the manga industry as well, adults enjoy series meant for all ages. Shonen also typically avoids romance plot lines, and primarily features male characters and predominately male casts (Johnson-Woods).

In Yoshihiro Togashi’s hit fantasy series, Hunter x Hunter, people are often exploited for entertainment and dirty work. Most often, the people who volunteer for the illustrious “hunter” position, are forced into doing so out of necessity. While not every hunter is a hunter because of the financial benefits, even those who aren’t find themselves in the position because of some other lack in terms of societal wealth. While the Hunter association is glorified, as are the hunters, the predatory nature of the Hunter association often goes unnoticed. Togashi uses each of the four main characters full character arcs to demonstrate how this life of violence and desperation changes and forms a person. In turn, he shows how class disparity and capitalism change the nature of humanity.

My research on the topic showed me that there isn’t much academic research on this franchise. That being said, Hunter x Hunter isn’t the only shonen manga or anime that tackles social issues. Shonen tends to include violence because it’s exciting. Readers, especially readers who embrace masculinity and teenagers experiencing a lot of emotions and changes, are drawn to violent media (Muller et al. 7-10). Not necessarily in a way that should be concerning, more out of curiosity of the world. When you are learning about the world around you and coming to terms with the slow degradation of your innocence, indulging and diving into the violent workings of the world, and all the different possibilities we face in it.

Shonen, like superhero comics in the United States are about good and evil, even when the lines between good and evil aren’t black and white, and usually the bad guys or “monsters” in a narrative, represent a social evil (Gallacher 1). “Monsters” take many forms in media and in shonen. For instance, Lesley-Anne Gallacher is writing about Fullmetal Alchemist, a shonen action series about two brothers in a world with “alchemy”. The alchemy is the magic system, and there are rules to it. The boys use black magic they aren’t supposed to use to try to bring their dead mother back to life, which is the inciting incident. They spend the entire rest of the series undoing the repercussions of this decision. The brothers (who are extremely young when the black magic occurs, and are children for the duration of the series) become professional alchemists for the government. Fullmetal Alchemist uses violence and “monstrosities” performed by people to examine capitalism and greed and how those things create violence. While this series is meant for children, just like Hunter x Hunter, Fullmetal Alchemist shows us that the government is willing to use children and people with nowhere else to go to do their dirty work in the name of cheap labor.

Much of shonen manga and anime carries significant messages and themes, like stated above. However, it is not always valued, analyzed, or critiqued by wider audiences in this way. Part of this comes from the politics behind the manga industry. The industry suffers from a lot of censorship. Censorship and poor working conditions for writers, manga artists, and animators result in conflicts over how much political or potentially controversial messaging can be in manga and anime (Hikari 4).

Although anime and manga are censored now, especially by certain publications where manga is serialized (like Shonen Jump, the publication that serializes Hunter x Hunter), manga, like comics in the West, has a political history. In the 1930s, during the war between Japan and China, manga began to seriously adapt as a medium. Political comics in Japan were everywhere. While manga was a fun medium, as comics are entertaining and highly stylized, they were also highly political (Inouye 23).

The restriction on political content and controversial topics (especially in the Shonen category because it is aimed at children) is mostly enforced by manga publishers. It’s a financial incentive. There isn’t a law in Japan that states having canonically queer characters, for example, is illegal. Queer manga is actually extremely popular (Daliot-Bul, Otmazgin p. 10). Despite this, you will never find a canon queer character in a Shonen Jump manga. That publisher is extremely strict with its themes and content because it is aimed at children. Views on what children should or should not be allowed to see is a very hotly debated topic in Japan, just like it is here in the United States (Pheonix 5-8)

Homosexuality is still often seen as “impure” and thus “inappropriate” for children. Not only this, but Shonen Jump makes a lot of profit off of Western audiences. Gen Z (and now, Gen Alpha) largely contribute to the manga and anime industry in terms of sales and interaction with the franchises. Because of this, manga publishers tend to localize and appeal to our values as well. Because of this, controversial topics are restricted (Pheonix 5-8).

Although on the surface, Hunter x Hunter is a comic series for children, the more you read or watch this story the darker it gets. The series started in 1998, and there are two anime adaptations of the manga. One from 1999, and one from 2011. This paper specifically references the anime adaptation from 2011. Manga and anime are restricted quite a bit in terms of artistic expression (Pheonix 6). Shonen Jump, the publisher that puts out Hunter x Hunter, is known for being fairly restrictive when it comes to showing themes of LGBT+ characters, or otherwise controversial political themes.

Anime fans tend to reject political readings of anime and manga, more than other fandom spaces. A Marxist or queer analysis of a text might not be as well received on a wide scale. The idea that the stories found in anime and manga “aren’t that deep” is too common considering how much literary value many of these stories have. Even though they are comics and cartoons, this medium has a lot of value and deserves to be analyzed in the same way as other forms of literature, particularly by a western audience (Lamarre 30).

Hunter x Hunter has one In Hunter x Hunter, the Hunter Association is the organization that gives out the “hunter license”. The Hunter Association isn’t technically associated with the government, although the government hires the Hunter Association frequently. The government works with and pays the Hunter Association, which makes the Hunter Association, and Hunters, an extension of the military in a way. The Hunters do dirty work and fight on behalf of the government. They also only do this because of money, as the government pays them.

The Hunter License gives characters legal immunity for anything including murder. We see characters do whatever they want to whoever they want with no consequences. A license cannot be revoked for any reason, but if you lose it or it is stolen, you cannot be given another one. So, a Hunter License is highly coveted in this world. You get free transportation, access to 90% of the known world, immunity, money, power. It’s a get out of jail free card if you can manage to get one. For the purpose of the narrative, every Hunter has to be, well, hunting something. Each of the four main characters has their own motivation for seeking a hunter license. Sheer motivation and determination to get that thing the character is hunting is what sets potential hunters apart in the Hunter Exam.

The Hunter Exam happens every year. The exam changes every year so no one can be prepared or know what to expect. While the first stage of the exam does test strength (or endurance, more so), the majority of the exam tests wit and logic. Before the exam even begins, applicants have to find the beginning of the exam with no directions or location provided. They have to figure it out on their own, and avoid being misled. The exam throws us into the dark nature of the Hunter Association right away. People are free to kill or harm other applicants with zero repercussions for the entire duration of the exam. We learn that Hisoka Morow, a persistent antagonist throughout series, was disqualified for killing an examiner (someone assigned by the Hunter Association to help run the exam), but he was allowed to take the exam again the next year with no issue.

Gon Freecss is an 11-year-old boy who is determined to meet his father. His father is a famous hunter, and has been absent from most of Gon’s life. His motivation for becoming a hunter is to find his father. He puts himself in dangerous situations without thinking, sometimes without even thinking about how it will affect his friends, if it means that he might be able gain more strength, knowledge, or worth. Trying to build a name for himself before he meets his father becomes his driving motivation throughout the story. He is naïve and has a child-like view of the world. He is also our protagonist.

Killua Zoldyck is also an 11-year-old boy at the beginning of the story. He is Gon’s foil in many ways. On the outside he is rude and bratty. He is off putting and terrifies people, and he is a menace. But internally all he wants is to be a kid. Killua’s background is incredibly interesting. He comes from a very wealthy and successful family of trained assassins. He is projected by his family to be the potential heir to the family. His parents want him to be more ruthless and a colder killer. He is struggling to decide for himself if that is what he wants, or if he wants to be a normal kid. He tells Gon he is only taking the exam to challenge himself, but really, he is there to get away from his family’s expectations and try out being a normal kid. Killua has the lowest stakes in this main cast, but he undergoes the biggest emotional transformation in terms of his relationship with violence.

Leorio Paradinight is a teenager, barely, when we meet him. He is 18 or 19 when we meet him, making him the oldest of the four main characters that we follow. He is the most logical thinker of the group, and has the most practical knowledge outside of the world of Hunters. He acts as if all he cares about is money and financial gain and pretends this is his motivation for joining the hunter exam. We learn his real backstory and motivations almost immediately which shows that Leorio is really a kind and genuine person. When he was a young boy, his best friend died because of a curable disease (“Hope x and x Ambition” 11:14). He only died because his family couldn’t afford the surgery.

Leorio decided to become a doctor and become wealthy enough that he can take on medical care pro bono for those who can’t afford it. Leorio takes the Hunter Exam because he believes that this will give him access to the money and resources to go to medical school, and then offer pro bono medical services. After taking the Hunter Exam, Leorio is a Hunter for a little while before he gets the funds, and then he does become a doctor.

Kurapika Kurta is the last living survivor of his clan. He is ambiguously teenaged, with no specific age stated. He’s older than Gon and Killua, but slightly younger than Leorio. This makes the group of the main four comprised of two kids and two teenagers, which is often important to their dynamic. His goal for being in the Hunter exam is to gain access to places and people (with the Hunter license) so he can avenge his clan and reclaim the scarlet eyes that were stolen (“Departure x and x Friends” 15:07). His entire clan was massacered by a group of killers called the Phantom Troupe, which often rivals and troubles Hunters. The clan was massacered because many members of the clan had “scarlet eyes”. The scarlet eyes glow from a natural color to a bright red when the person experiences strong emotions.

In the world of Hunter x Hunter, there are people called “flesh collectors” who offer a lot of money to collect rare and novelty parts of living beings’ bodies. This is what happened to his clan. Someone rich offered the Phantom Troupe money for the eyes, and now they’re all dead. Kurapika has seen first-hand how greed and money corrupt people. All Kurapika really cares about is getting those eyes back and getting revenge.

He simply wants to get them out of the hands of the greedy collectors and into the hands of the last member of the Kurta clan. He is very one track minded and calculated. He is a scary combination of cold and intelligent, and highly emotional. He doesn’t really care much if outsiders see the validity in his mission or goals, or how he will be perceived by others for his actions. He and Killua deal with bloodlust in different ways. He suffers from survivors’ guilt which warps his view of morality and relationships with violence. He is emotionally lost because he has no home to go back to, and he is thrown out into this world with no friends or real connections to anyone or anything, so he becomes wholly devoted to his end goal.

The topic of class follows the four main characters throughout their lives and throughout the entire story. While it’s not a main topic on the forefront of the narrative, you can see how it impacts and drives the story. It’s something that Togashi implements through minor details. The existence of “flesh hunters” for example, shows us how desperate people are for money. That there are people who would go as far as to kill an entire race of people just to collect a few sets of eyes, for money. This isn’t far off from the type of violence we see in our real world because of greed.

Leorio’s childhood best friend shows us how capitalism and a society structured around the haves and the have-nots literally kills people who should otherwise be alive. Killua’s family is one of the most wealthy families in the universe, and they got to be that way by killing. Everyone knows they are a family of trained assassins too, but they remain untouchable. That kind of wealth does that. In a world where being poor can be a death sentence; morality becomes skewed in the face of financial gain.

Immediately following the first arc (the exam, which spans for almost the entire first season), is the Heaven’s Arena arc. Heaven’s Arena is our first introduction, as a viewer, to the “real world” outside of Gon’s small island and the bounds of the Hunter Exam which is sort of a constructed reality. Heaven’s Arena is a huge tower where people go to fight to win money. The goal is to win your way up to the top floor by beating your opponents. This is open to hunters and non-hunters, and this is when we are introduced to the magic system of “Nen” as well. There is obviously a power balance issue between these dynamics, but it’s open to anyone to try. You win money after each fight, because you fight for an audience. A portion of your win goes to the Arena. Some people live in the building and fight every day as their job. Gon and Killua realize that they are lucky have access to things others don’t. Killua realizes how much his wealth helps him navigate the world, and Gon realizes how beneficial being a Hunter is. Because he became a Hunter simply to find his father, he hadn’t thought much about what being a Hunter really gives you access to.

Gon is also naturally strong, and is a good fighter by luck of the draw. Perhaps because of his father’s genetics. There is another boy in the arena who wants to befriend Gon, and wants Gon to teach him out to fight, but Gon can only help him so much. Gon is at an advantage, and he did nothing more than the other child to earn it or deserve it, it just turned out that way. In turn, Gon works his way up, and wins more money. He doesn’t even need the money in the way the other boy does. He just wins his way to the top to train himself to be a better fighter and become a better hunter.

On the surface, the Heaven’s Arena arc serves several narrative purposes. First, to make Gon a better and more trained fighter in combat (something we see him struggle with in the exam). Two, to introduce the magic system (nen) because a man sees potential in Gon and Killua. Three, to show us more about Hisoka’s character, who Gon eventually fights one on one at the end. On a surface level, that’s all there is to it. Togashi does these three things, and then we move on. But I’d argue that this could have been done without the emphasis on money as a reward, and the aspect of there being a live audience. People fight over tickets to see certain fighters shows, and the audience is always lively. They have a degree of separation from the fighters, not being all that concerned over who is injured, or even when people die. It is all a performance, even though we all know that the fights are violent are real. People are willing to detach themselves from these fighter’s humanity in the name of entertainment. Heaven’s Arena profits off of this, making massive ticket sales and taking a decent portion of the fighter’s winnings. This is a direct parallel to our real world. Of course, there is professional boxing and wrestling and what not to watch, but then there is non televised fighting. Real fighting, for entertainment, for money.

Currency does not always take the shape of physical money. Prisoners are used in the Hunter Exam as a part of the exam, against their will as their autonomy has been stripped from them. They are denied humanity as prisoners, and are used to push more hunters out into the world. During the hunter exam, the applicants fight the prisoners one on one (both mentally and physically), and the prisoners can bet their time. They can wager the time left in their sentence, potentially getting time taken off, or getting more time added. They are not seen as human beings in this position. In this case, their time and their life is used as currency.

Togashi emphasizes to the audience that they are all horrible killers who arguably deserve to be punished, but then this portion of the exam concludes with Killua walking forward and ripping out someone’s heart in a matter of seconds (“Trouble x with x the x Gamble” 17:24). This is just after we meet Killua, and this one of the first things we see him do. It sets up his onscreen relationship with violence. Gon tells the rest of the crew about Killua’s family, and his history being an assassin. Killua seems completely unfazed. Kurapika and Leorio seem a little intimidated by the exercised skill. While Leorio, especially is scared by the violence he just saw, from someone so unassuming, he simply says “Good work out there!” (Trouble x with x the x Gamble 19:13). Then they all move on. Gon doesn’t seem all to bothered about Killua’s history. Gon’s relationship with morality as it relates to violence is one of the most interesting parts of this text. He has no issue viewing the prisoners as a part of the exam and doesn’t question that they deserve to be in this position because of murder. Then he watches some kid he’s never met commit cold and thoughtless murder, almost like he’s showing off. He proceeds to make him his best friend on the face of the planet. What makes these characters different?

You could argue that we know the prisoners are “worse” because the text tells us so. We learn that they have done things like kill entire villages for fun. Just for the sake of killing. But Killua’s family kills anyone for hire, just for the sake of money. It doesn’t matter if these people are good or bad or innocent or have families. But we, the audience view it differently too. You just watch this episode and go along with the moral logic of the characters. Something about someone being a prisoner strips them of their humanity. The other characters are children. We know Killua is an assassin. We know he’s killed people. But he’s eleven and he’s so funky.

Between the prisoners and the applicants, both sides have murderers. Even though only Killua in the group of applicants we’re following has killed people, any of the other groups of applicants could have a history of murder. Even in the exam up until this point, they could have killed each other. We know for a fact that Hisoka has not only killed countless people, but has literally killed an examiner during the last exam. But we view one side as better than the other side, even though none of Killua’s kills were likely justified.

The viewer, regardless of their background, can probably think of a real world instance like this. Whether it’s someone thinking that their country was more justified in a war or conflict or allowing some other kind of bias to sway their judgment of violence. There is a direct parallel to be drawn between real “Hunters” (law enforcement), and prisoners. For an American audience, this hits especially hard, but really this applies worldwide. An organized institution gives people power, access to violence, and immunity and then pays them for it. It sets up a power imbalance that skews our perception of violence. When is it okay to harm a prisoner?

It’s in the little details like this that Togashi shows us the dark reality of a world in which a “Hunter’s Association” would exist. While we follow Gon on this journey to find his dad, we are getting glimpses of the actual world that is happening around Gon. Having a child as the main protagonist to introduce us to this world was an impactful choice. Regardless of whether or not this was to fit the story into the shonen genre, or the other way around, Gon is an excellent person to show us this world.

He looks at the world in a fairly juvenile way, but we watch him become less juvenile and more jaded towards the reality of this world. One of the most famous scenes in this series is when Gon finally breaks and goes against some of his own previously held views about violence. When he is betrayed and one of his friends is harmed, he uses his magic abilities and kills someone (“Anger x and x Light” 8:40). This is such a huge moment for the series because it shows not only Gon’s newfound willingness to commit violence against someone, but also a shift in his views of morality. Gon in the beginning of the story wouldn’t have committed this act of violence. He also wouldn’t have become a Hunter if the universe that he operates in didn’t create a culture where being a Hunter is glorified because of fame and financial gain.

Shortly after this development for Gon’s character, the narrative is switched over to Kurapika. Kurapika becomes the “main character” and Gon is no longer the focal point of the story. After we as the audience follow Gon and Killua’s character arcs and we see the cruel nature of the world take away their innocence, that is when Togashi sees it fit to have one of the older characters become the main protagonist. This choice is fascinating, because the destruction of childlike joy and wonder by capitalism and greed is something that is emphasized by this choice from Togashi.

Kurapika is the natural choice to replace Gon. He is the perfect character to show how violence is a symptom of greed. His “nen” ability is one of the most interesting parts of Hunter x Hunter. The nen ability is a set of five chains that are attached to his fingers. When he uses his nen, the chains are all attached to one single chain which is wrapped around his heart. He begins to develop his nen ability out of pure “resolve”. His resolve is to only use violence (or what he defines as violence, as opposed to self-defense) against members of the Phantom Troupe (“Buildup x to a x Fierce x Battle” 19:50-21:47). His nen ability is so powerful because it takes time off his own life every time he uses it. When Kurapika uses his nen ability to fight members of the Phantom Troupe, the base chain that is wrapped around his heart tightens and is shown piercing the heart. Another thing that makes the ability so powerful is that he makes the promise that if he ever uses the chains on any non-Phantom Troupe member, he will die.

We are introduced to his nen ability and see him use it for the first time in season three. This is the season that contains the “auction arc” (arc as in “story arc”). Kurapika, after discovering nen, being recognized as a real Hunter, gets hired through an agency. The agency helps connect elites and important people in Hunter x Hunter to Hunters. Kurapika is hired as a bodyguard for a flesh collector. He takes the job, despite the fact that he hates flesh collectors so that he can have access to the auction (Gathering x of x Heroes” 20:50). A set of scarlet eyes are being auctioned off there. The existence of this black market and underground world of immorality gives the audience a closer look on the cruelty that greed and money create. The sheer amount of people at the auction is disheartening enough, but the people attending are all important. Politicians, celebrities, the wealthy. It’s the elites in this world that set the stage for violence.

Kurapika, when he is first introduced, is portrayed as a more pacifist type character. He prefers battle strategy and brains over brawn and force. He disapproves of Hunters who pride themselves on being able to throw a good punch without good reason. But as his desire to avenge his clan becomes more all-consuming, his relationship with violence drastically changes. He looks very unassuming. A meek, almost feminine little man, but he is the second of the main four, after Killua (who was raised to be a killer) to make a kill on screen (“Condition x and x Condition” 19:19). He has no qualms almost torturing members of the Troupe. He doesn’t just want to avenge his clan, he wants to kill every last member, and make them suffer. He is completely apathetic to their pain. He recognizes that they are people, and that they feel. He simply doesn’t care. His character makes us question the ethics of revenge. He believes he is still “good” even in his acts of violence because it is justified.

Kurapika’s personal mission and motives, as well as his perception of himself versus the reality of his actions, make us question when violence is justifiable. Is physical violence ever “right”? If the people being harmed have performed morally apprehensible acts, is it okay to commit violence against them? Does it matter what the apprehensible acts were? Societies ask themselves this question all the time. For instance, the death penalty is a hotly debated topic. Is it okay to end someone’s life if they have committed acts that the law, or the general public, feel is unforgivable. Usually, people will justify the death penalty for mass murderers and pedophiles. While there is some disdain for the fact that a government with a history of racial bias and false persecutions, the moral question of the existence of a death penalty is not highly objected to.

This being said, are Kurapika’s actions justified? When is violence okay? Is it ever okay to commit violence? This is the purpose of Kurapika’s character in the narrative. To make us question our own relationship with violence and morality. Consider concepts like revenge, death, forgiveness, and the root of evil. Kurapika doesn’t just want to avenge his clan because harm was imposed upon them. He is driven to the extent that he is, because his clan wasn’t even a victim of genocide. His clan would have had to be exterminated for a reason like religion or race or some other cosmic, land, or belief-based motive. But they weren’t. They were killed for money, and that’s it. Greed (not even over land) being the only reason that he is the soul living member of the Kurta clan is what sends him over the edge. Capitalism killed his clan. That is what drives his need for revenge. Kurapika is also a very intelligent person, and he acknowledges that greed is what killed his people. This concept is addressed head on in the text.

A character who in the beginning seems so kind and warm-hearted ends up being one of the coldest and most calculated characters. He shouldn’t have been that way, but the world turned him into something he wasn’t meant to be. The existence of the “flesh collectors” is entirely to blame for the destruction of Kurapika’s spirit. The flesh collectors only exist because of capitalism within the Hunter x Hunter universe. Greed and appearances for the wealthy actively destroy people.

Additionally, Kurapika’s willingness to be a flesh collector’s bodyguard, despite what happened to his clan because of a market created by flesh collectors shows that he recognizes the greater social issue and puts that above hatred of individuals. If it weren’t for capitalism, flesh collectors wouldn’t exist in the first place. This shows Kurapika’s intelligence and that he still maintains control over his emotions to an extent, but also reiterates the idea that Togashi uses violence to show us the consequences of capitalism.

Gon, our introduction to the story and universe of Hunter x Hunter is optimistic and naïve, which childlike views on morality and violence. He glorifies being a Hunter because it was what his father did, and it makes him feel closer to his dad. As the story progresses, he realizes how dark the world actually is, and the narrative becomes darker as well. The story matures with Gon. He realizes how many Hunters are in it for the wrong reasons, and how much of the world of Hunters is based on financial gain. Both from Hunters who just want to be wealthy and because he sees Hunters who go into the profession because they have no other choice. Being forced into a line of work you don’t want to be in just to survive. Not unlike young men enlisting in the real military.

Killua realizes that his family is in the wrong, and that they place value on being a skilled killer because it brings notoriety and money to their family. He realizes that violence and living life as a killer is unfulfilling. He becomes very fond of his friends, and becomes more in touch with his emotions. He is the character that shows redemption. He starts out being the offspring of the root of the issues in this world, and benefits from it. Then he recognizes how greed harms people, and that is how his character develops. His character shows the audience that people can change, and that allowing people to change and redeem themselves can be crucial to maintaining a community in the face of hard times.

Leorio is not much of a fighter. He is the character that never kills anyone at all. He hardly even throws a punch. He is a Hunter because he wants to help people, and he recognizes from the very beginning that capitalism kills. Losing his best friend because the poor don’t have the same access to medical care as the wealthy radicalizes him from a young age, and he never gives up on his goal of helping people get access to medical care. Especially after Gon ends up almost dying (as a consequence of his first murder, as referenced earlier). Gon gets to stay in a nice hospital for Hunters (“Approval x and x Coalition” 9:30). Hunters get access to medical care, and they are prioritized. This contrast between his childhood friend (which was not a lone incident), and now his friend Gon and how they are treated differently when it comes to healthcare just shows the harm of class disparity. Capitalism is violence.

Even when capitalism isn’t feeding greed which leads to violent actions, it is still violent in its very nature. Allowing private prisons which make money off of their prisoners to exist, allowing healthcare to be privatized, allowing the Hunter Association to be a private organization that functions as a military for hire. All of these things the government allows, encourages, and benefits from reflect our real world under capitalism. Togashi lets these characters go through the effects of this world and he shows us the impacts that these social issues have on people, rather than just telling us directly. This makes the message resonate more because it humanizes these issues. The violence in Hunter x Hunter is a kind of magnification of the capitalistic nature of the world, and Togashi uses characters as a vehicle to exhibit the violent nature of a capitalistic system.

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Togashi, Y., & Maekawa, A. (2014, May 28). “Anger x and x Light.” Hunter x Hunter. Episode 56, Nippon TV.

Togashi, Y., & Maekawa, A. (2012, August 19). “Buildup x to a x Fierce x Battle.” Hunter x Hunter. Episode 44, Nippon TV.

Togashi, Y., & Maekawa, A. (2012, July 29). “Gathering x of x Heroes.” Hunter x Hunter. Episode 41, Nippon TV.

Togashi, Y., & Maekawa, A. (2012 September 16). “Condition x and x Condition.” Hunter x Hunter. Episode 47, Nippon TV.

We have an inherent language barrier with our souls. We really have to work to translate our own souls to ourselves. Who we are as humans with our star stranded DNA, and who we are as animals with limbs and lust. These things are different.

I have been thinking a lot lately, about creativity and translating our souls. The Artist’s Way, (don’t get it twisted, I have yet to get past week one) spoke to me in terms of divinity. Julia Cameron writes about how Creativity can be posed as a spiritual tool. You have to worship your inner creativity, and use your creativity to worship the outer world. It’s a cycle. Creativity, for me anyways, is a way to connect everything. To connect my soul to my body, my body to the world, and thus, my soul to others.

To be creative, or to pursue creativity does not inherently mean “to create art.” Having a creative energy does not always mean painting a picture, or sculpting something from clay. All art is creative, but creative energy doesn’t necessarily have to be channeled this way. I find that I feel the most creative when I am actively spending a lot of my time out doors. Being out amongst living things, makes me feel more in tune with myself, as another thing which is alive.

When I am feeling creative, I consume more creativity. I read more, I listen to more music. I dress in a way that is colorful, and intentional. I pay attention to color combinations I see in the wild. The purple house by the coffee shop, and the way the flowers look up against it. I wonder about the person who lives behind the lilac walls, and I think about the life they lead. I think about what lead them to choose the color of the trim. Is the inside as full of life?

I think about that when I see other people, when they have a bright and lively exterior. What goes on indoors? What goes on in people’s minds all day? Especially now, my mind wants to know how much thought and effort people put into anything at all. Behind closed doors, is anyone creative? Or do we all act like creatives as a part of a larger performance. This is something I’ve thought a lot about in the wake of generative AI. I can’t even act like its this newfangled thing that has swept away the youth. It’s been around long enough to sink its teeth into the necks of the proverbial lambs that walk around the plains of the Earth, waiting to be victims of a greater horror.

People who use generative AI want so desperately to be something that was previously out of reach. They want to conjure up information to win their debates, to prove their perceived persecution. People want to partake in “hobbies” they deemed out of reach. People want to be the things that they have held themselves back from.

The argument for generative AI in artistic spaces, is that it “makes art accessible”. This is not what they really mean. What they actually mean is that it “makes commodified and marketable art adjacent landfill fodder”. Creativity as a word has lost its meaning lately. Now it is shorthand for “Route to making passive income.” The intention behind the art is all wrong. That is to say, there is no intention. Only greed.

Creativity is not something that should be measured by a scale of “good” and “bad.” I do believe in critiquing art. I do have preferences, and standards like everyone else. But published works of art is a product of creativity, not creativity itself. Creativity is a mindset, and a way of living for me. It is a part of my soul that I indulge in. A part that I nurture. The more I create (even if its just crayon art of my dog that no one will ever see), the more creative I remain. To lift a block standing in the way of your creative energy, you just have to get something flowing. When I have writer’s block, I force myself to write god-awful short stories, or poems I am not particularly proud of. Once the flood gates open, the rest can come out. Even if it doesn’t result in anything you love for the day, you still have something to work on. To work off of. If your goal is to express yourself creatively, something is better than nothing.

In the age of generative AI, I find that we all seem to understand each other a little less. If we are not understanding our own selves through introspection so we can express ourselves through art (or some other outlet) how can we even begin to understand one another. Being a creative person is one of the ways that we can understand ourselves, because it asks that we asks ourselves questions.

“What do I like? What do I have to say? What do I feel strongly about? What makes me happy? What do I find beautiful?”

When I show people the things I think are beautiful, I hope they remember them, and think of me later. Having a personal style, having personal taste, knowing why you actually like things, these are all parts of being creative. Knowing what color palettes you lean towards, knowing what shapes you like, knowing about yourself helps you to be more creative, which helps you express yourselves more to others. To be creative is to translate the inner most parts of yourself. This is why I prefer to be around other people with creative energy. I know, to some extent, they are trying to tell the world who they are.

I wrote this as a piece of creative non-fiction about my life for an assignment in 2024. I had just exited a fling with a he/him masc lesbian, who ultimately told me that he was most likely a man. This on its own wasn’t an issue, but the toxic masculinity he put on as a costume to assume his manhood was. I wrote this piece about that.

October 30th , 2024.

One day, I woke up, and decided I loved being ugly. Not in the sense that I felt ugly or that I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I remember being a little girl and not understanding how to hate how I looked. Seemed like a waste of time, and this made me bizarre to other girls who bathed in self-hatred.

I felt almost pressured to be insecure. Like that was how I was supposed to feel. I remember standing on the scale when I was nine. I knew I was supposed to feel bad about it, but honestly, I never did, and I never do. Now, I feel pressured to always want more. To consume and indulge in beauty. To haunt the aisles of the beauty store feeling lost. And I like to paint my face, and I love the art of fashion. But I love the brashness of it, too. I love smudged black cast shadow under eyes after a night out.

I’m unfortunately fond of the green left on my skin from cheap jewelry to which I’m attached. I enjoy uncanny colors on my lips, purple, pale shimmered gloss that makes you look like you have one foot in the grave. I crave expression in smearing, staining, and souring things that could be perfect.

I remember the day I woke up and realized this, and it felt like I was reborn into myself, which I had lost momentarily and for the first time. I am not a girl who was mean to lose herself. I found myself at a very young age, and while I have adapted and changed and morphed, my essence has always been there. I felt my heart bubble in my chest as I looked at my hands. I didn’t understand how I got here. I had cast aside my care for imperfection and ugliness for someone who indulged in vanity. It seems silly, to feel like that stole myself from me. There’s nothing wrong, inherently, with loving beauty in a traditional sense, but isn’t there?

Beauty stood in for control, I realized. I looked at the person in front of me, a man. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Going so butch that you go for a boy. It’s something that could really only happen to me, a chronic people pleaser who felt lost at some point. It’s not his fault he’s a man, that’s not a crime. But I scroll through our text messages and I realize why vanity is such a great sin. I do not share a God with anyone, not anymore, but sometimes I live through things that make me realize why we create the concept of sin in the first place.

The obsession with beauty from a man who hates himself starts to make your soul rot. An obsession with physical beauty, and an incapability to understand philosophical beauty, or beauty in art. How annoying. Sometimes there’s no beautiful way to write something. Sometimes things are just annoying. I prim and pick my face in a way I never have before, and I start to neglect poetry and prose and gross Grimm-like fairy tales.

I put on an outfit a few days before this. Before I realized. I look in the camera’s view, I take a picture. I have not worn an outfit like this in a couple months. It is not sexy, but it’s oh-so-dykey. It is delicious. Baggy pants and an old baggy shirt. Carabiner swinging from the right sided belt loop. Hands in my pocket. I send him a picture, and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t seem to understand it, either. I know why, even though he doesn’t say it. It’s not feminine, or pretty. He’s a dyke too, for the time being, anyways. Until he realizes why he has so much internalized insecurity and loathing for himself and his own community. But he doesn’t get it. What makes me love being a dyke so much. There is no pressure to be a pretty girl. Even the prettiest femmes can be dirty (in a nonsexual way, which is the best part) disrespectful dykes.

Be brash and untraditional and spiteful and be disgustingly beautiful in a way that rejects the man (the system, the state, the stereotypical structure). I wake up a few days later and realize I truly do just love being ugly and not having a care about it in the world. Being imperfect on purpose because its pretty and makes me kind.

I have “started my debut novel” a million times. I have have started too many novels to count, too many ideas, too many projects. I have written over 50,000 words in a single draft, I make decent progress. But I want to be able to PUBLISH a book, damnit! I want to finish a project, edit it, and get through the whole process, even if its just to say I did it.

This particular novel is a part of my pursuit to write the Great (Lesbian) American Novel. I have some . . . beef with a lot of lesbian books published recently. I find that there’s a lack of conflict that brings interesting plot within lesbian romance, at least traditionally published lesbian romance. I believe this is because women and female characters are given less grace to act human, act real, make mistakes. Behave the way men (and women, occasionally) act in straight romance (or even MM romance).

Even in straight romance, if a woman behaves questionably, or makes mistakes, it can still be chalked up to the man somehow. Like the man drove her to act that way. We as a society have lower expectations of men, and generally accept their poor behavior, even in romantic settings. At the very least, it brings interesting plot, and engaging media.

When women in a romance that lacks a male figure (FF romance) behave questionably, are morally gray, do or say something unsavory, or even make a simple mistake, they are labeled as toxic. They are held to a higher standard then men, and are judged. It’s not a secret women hold each other to high standards, and judge each other. The same way a woman will stay with her shitty, jackass, lazy, cheating, emotionally abusive boyfriend forever, but end a meaningful friendship with a well adjusted woman over a misunderstanding or mistake. I think this same phenomenon applies to how readers, mostly women (especially straight) engage with FF romance (or any FF genre) as opposed to MM and FM books.

So complex female characters in a story with no men take all of the blame, and disapoint readers who expect women to be 100% healthy and rational people at all times. No man is driving her crazy, or disappointing her, so why should she act that way? Not only are the characters labeled as toxic, but readers who enjoy the story or the characters are also labeled this way. Think about the ship “Catradora” from the cartoon, She-Ra and the Princess of Power. Two characters on opposite sides of a conflict between 2 groups of people. The characters often fight with each other throughout the seasons, because of this conflict. The show covers themes and topics like propaganda, cult like behavior, the military industrial complex, jealousy, trauma, etc. A show that covers intense topics. A piece of media should be able to cover hard topics and portray them in a real and raw way, without people assuming its a guide on how to literally live your life. It’s not the Bible. Even the Bible has some whack stuff in it, y’all.

I am a firm believer that plots, characters, themes in stories can be “bad”. Characters can be flawed and still deliver an interesting story. Characters can even be BAD people. Morally grey, or morally AWFUL. A character being written doesn’t equate to the author saying, “behave this way, I approve”. It’s just a story telling device. This should be available to female characters in stories that pass the Bechdel test.

I want real, raw, and complex female characters to be in lesbian situations. Whether it’s a romance, or a different genre with a romance subplot, or just ANY genre at all with lesbian characters. Stop trying to follow a model minority quest when writing lesbians. Stereotypes about us will exist regardless of what we do. Homophobes will judge us and treat us poorly regardless of how our representation is written. It’s okay for lesbian characters to not be perfect healthy women who communicate with each other in “Portland, Oregon Therapist” speak. I’m bored by all these healthy women who meet, go on some cute dates, get some cats, and have cottagecore picnics. God, where are the fucking freaks???? Not even in a sexual way. The cottagecore lesbian trend did some severe damage on this community. I don’t hate the cottagecore gays, but where did the bulldaggers go, man? The butch femme scene has had some resurgence recently, which gives me some hope.

Yes, we get it, we are normal people with normal relationships. We live in cities, we go to the grocery store, we have families, we have pets. We can be in a nuclear family just like y’all, see! Let us legally marry so we can see each other in the hospital during emergencies!

I get it, I get the urge to only write us in a certain light. And I’m happy that the meek familial lesbians get their vibe on screen. I just want more! I don’t care how straight republicans see me. Or straight democrats. I want dykey shit. If anything, its entertaining! I don’t believe people wouldn’t enjoy it, eat it up. I think there is value in something different, and unique. Tropes from straight romance don’t always translate as interestingly to lesbian couples. Lesbians have their own tropes, stereotypes within the community, etc. I’d like to see it.

That being said, I think a lot of lesbian books, especially romance, that is traditionally published is only written for the marketability. What are the tropes? What identities, specifically can we flaunt about this? Is it #enemiestolovers? How can we advertise this? Now, this applies to most romance published these days. It’s very trope heavy, and its all a bit cookie cutter. #Enemiestolovers #grumpysunshine #fakedating. You get the idea. Slap on a Canva esc cartoon style cover and sprayed edges and you’re golden. If you can add the fact that it is #lesbian representation, it gets you some points.

This means, generally, that stories are being written to sell and make everyone money, rather than stories with a “why” being told for a purpose. Stories aren’t coming from the heart, or even passion. There is nothing wrong with a book about love for the sake of love. That is deep enough, I’m not one to say romance isn’t proper reading. But I want to feel the love you have for storytelling, for writing, for reading, for your craft, your characters, your audience. I don’t want to see flat, soulless characters boning because you love book deals and cash. Just as food made with love genuinely tastes better (because more time, attention, and detail goes into it), stories told with love and respect for stories are better to read.

If you’re a lesbian and you love storytelling and writing, please write something. The world needs more of it. Disregard if you have money-making tropes that can be slapped on advertisements. Disregard how appealing your characters are to anyone. Disregard how their actions might be micro analyzed. Tell the story on your heart how YOU want to tell it. For the love of god. Please. May the lesbians be free.

I hope that I am able to walk the talk, but for now, I just need to get a first draft out. If all goes to plan, I hope for my debut to be about lesbians in the Wild West, in the 1800’s. It includes some cryptid creatures / urban legends, fantasy elements, banjos, climate change, and a long journey ahead.

Good luck writing, lesbians.

-brianna kaye.

and my breath meeting cold air begins.

how much is my own doing

and how much was always going

to happen?

For the longest time, I have struggled to be a writer. Unfortunately, for just as long as this, being a writer has been the only thing I was willing to even try to desire. I have never wanted anything else, nor do I want to want something else. Writing is the only thing that has ever mattered to me as a hobby, or passion.

My relationship with writing is complicated. I love it, and I love what it provides the world with as a medium. As a language, and form of expression. It’s one of the oldest forms of art, expression of self, delivery of information, record keeping. No civilization can rise, and none would fall without writing. I admire writing as an entity and way of living life, and those who have figured out the secret language between the pen and the universe. Understanding how you fit into writing as the translator for a higher power, the artist, and your own muse.

These days, I find it hard. Not to tap into the heavens, to feel connected to the stars, my past lives, to feel as if I really know myself. These things come naturally to me. What does not, is devotion. I am so easily distracted. Social media is poison to my writing. It is easy to lose focus.

To allow yourself to sacrifice your devotion to your craft in the name of finding “community” online or “inspiration” for your next novel. The amount of novels I have written entirely in my head whilst making Pinterest boards, rather than typing a single letter is unfortunate.

Then I find myself feeling pathetic. A poser, who lies about her passion for writing. I wonder if I really am a liar. Telling myself I adore writing, when really I am just a talentless girl who will not admit this to herself. It is scary to live in a self proclaimed “meritocracy” where being an artist is a promised career.  Even harder when you know how few people truly make it. Being an artist for a living is so rare, at least when it is genuine. The market is so over saturated with musicians, writers, painters, jewelry makers. We are everywhere online. So few of us truly live off of what we make.

Then there is the issue of losing relatability in the wake of success. That success brings stability which brings comfort which brings happiness. Soon, you are no longer relatable, depressed, poetic. You have nothing interesting to say anymore. Then you are a sellout.

To be a successful writer, author, poet, it seems like you must promote your writing, your self, your brand. TikTok, Facebook, YouTube. You must make yourself into a product in order to make any profit from your art. In order to have enough time in the day to create the amount of art you would like, creating art must be your career. In order for art to be your career, you must sell your soul to the internet to make people interested in what you have to sell, like a traveling salesman with a mule pulling a cart of curiosities.

If I don’t want to promote my art as if it’s an as seen on T.V. kitchen gadget, what am I to do? If I admit defeat, and run back to the work force, I lose the free time to create much art at all. This is the skill issue that I fall on, my sword that impales the creative spirit inside me. I know that this is my fault, and my fault alone. I want to live in an artists bubble where I sit and drink tea and write about my miserable worldly woes and hope they speak to people. I want to be remembered for my words, and have people love them.

I know that it comes with time. Everything comes with time. And I need to embrace time outside of my escapist phone addiction to create. But then I can’t get my words out there for people to love if I do not spend time on it.

So, I am in a season of life where I am turning my desire into devotion which in turn becomes self discipline, as it is mixed with want. I am a writer because I am writing, not because I want to be one, because it sounds nice, because it sounds romantic. I have ideas that I want to share, and I have a love for prose, rhythm, language, lyrical musings. I write because I was born with the ability to do.

If there is a childhood bully that has hindered my creative spirit, it is the internet. The internet and the way that it manipulates my mind with its addictive qualities and turns me into someone who has to fight her attention span in order to fulfill an incredible reachable and achievable dream. I can live my dream life, if only I am able to devote myself entirely to it. I have begun training my brain to find what I see online boring, and slowly devaluing.

I have already seen a change in myself. My creative energy is more accessible, and my understanding of self is more clear. Through this, I will become the writer I desire to be, and have already begun doing so. I can have anything I want because anything is possible if other people have it. I know that what I have to say, and what I have to write are valuable and interesting, but only I can prove that.

I wrote the majority of this essay before the “analog” boom on the internet. Every social media platform is plastered, far and wide with the notion that everyone - in pursuit of “whimsy”- has abandoned their old ways of phone addiction, and are aiming to get by with “analog” entertainment. Of course this creates a fallacy, if we were all living as “analog” as we aspire to, we wouldn’t be hearing about it as an internet trend.

However, it has taught me that I am not unique in my suffering.Those who talk about writing, post about writing, and aestheticize writing will always be leagues behind those who are out here writing. It is easy to talk the talk, and writing is a hobby which allows me to feel intellectual. Then I look at the work I have to show for myself and see nothing at all. It’s almost disrespectful to myself.

No, it is disrespectful to myself. There is a vast difference between being in love with being a writer, and being in love with writing. It has taken me a long time to realize and accept that writing is not an aesthetic pursuit, it is a meticulous practice. Sometimes I feel like writing isn’t a part of the arts, but something almost like a science. Medicinal, even. Perhaps it is a love child of all three.

Earlier this year I made a vow unto myself that I would quit engaging with “writertok,” “writertube,” or “writer aesthetic” on Pinterest-dot-gov. If that brought any value into my life, I would be a published novelist by now. From now on, if I feel the urge to watch others write, hoping to consume their productivity through the screen (like the monitoring spirit I am), I will open up a document on my own device and just write.

west to east, my heart with my mind

turns warm in color, cold to the touch

like looking at a sunset through a winter’s windowpane

cold, crisp air, clinging standstill

flakes of snow, so hands will be weary from trying to reach through.

through fingertips turned frostbitten pressed against glass,

you can see me, on the other side

watching the fireplace kindle, while my skin grows thick

evolving to the ice age, the kindling inside

these houses i know are mirages

to the hungry who are too wise to open even unlocked doors.

\ brianna kaye

Don’t play games with me, Judas.

Take this as my body, and this as my blood.

Take, in place of what I can not give you, take me as your covenant.

Eat, drink, and savor the flavor.

Hope it does not burn when it trickles down the back of a traitor’s throat.

{ Brianna Kaye }

Thinking About Angels in Zion National Park / Brianna Kaye

{ Brianna Kaye }

{Brianna Kaye}